If This Were Easy…


Reason #26: Because it’s not good to be full…

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

… or it’s good to not be full or it’s not good to be too full, however you want to think about it.

I went out to dinner tonight and ordered a sensible appetizer, and a moderate entree, tried a few things off other people’s plates and finished up the night without dessert.

After consuming maybe 1/3 to 1/2 the food I normally would at a dinner out I was not full — and by not full, I mean, my eyeballs were still firmly planted in my eyesockets and not bulging out. I was certainly not hungry. I came home and finished my strength training for the day, something I never could have managed after one of my usual restaurant dinners.



Reason #25: Because I want a Wii Revisited

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:23 am

Back in Reason #4, I mentioned that I wanted a Wii and that was a reason to keep my house clean. And indeed, it is, and actually, even without ticky marks, that house cleaning thing is going not entirely terribly (assuming you don’t count how very badly the kitchen floors need washing), and I even have people over pretty much weekly now to play board games.

Trouble is, I have another reason not to get a Wii which is this:

I’m too fat for WiiFit.


It’s a fitness thing that fat people aren’t allowed to do.

The WiiFit board has a 300 or 330 pound weight limit, depending on who you ask, and despite the fact that it works fine for me (as I’ve discovered when playing at other people’s houses since they could start the balance board for me, and then I could use it), it simply will not let me use the balance board on my own.

When your video games are telling you you’re too fat, you’re too fat.


Reason #24: Because my to-be-read pile is rapidly outpacing my already read pile…

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

I buy a lot of books. Sometimes I buy 8 of them when I went to the bookstore to pick up one. I’m easily distracted that way.

I’m also trying to get rid of a lot of books before I have to move in early 2010, because I do not want to move a bunch of books I won’t ever read again. With that in mind, I’ve been giving away a lot of my older books on bookmooch.com. But I also keep buying new books, and the new books I haven’t read and the old books I’m giving away are getting closer and closer to each other in number.

I’m not going to want to move most of the new books, either, so I need to get cracking on reading them so I can give them away.


Reason #23: Because my league is the dating equivalent of TimBits Hockey…

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

… tiny and amateurish, not full of small children, just to be clear.

OKCupid, which is my public humiliation internet dating site of choice has a feature called ‘Quiver’ where they suggest 3 specific matches for you and encourage you to write them. I’ve been trying to write more of them under the assumption that if I have more first dates, I might eventually have some second dates. (The logic here is not necessarily entirely sound, but let’s pretend.)

Still, I very frequently look at the matches and think ‘out of my league’ and don’t bother writing them. That’s less of an ego blow than writing them and never hearing from them. Of course, it’s self-inflicted and ongoing, so it might be more damaging in the long run.


Reason #22: Because first dates suck…

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

…and all my dates are first dates.

I’m not sure if it’s my winning personality or my fat ass, but I almost never manage a second date with anybody that I go out with. One date and then I never hear from them again seems to be the standard.

At least if I were less huge, I’d know whether the problem was my winning personality and I could work on that.


Reason #21: Because I like rollercoasters…

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

…and they don’t like me back.

I like rollercoasters. I especially like older wooden roller coasters.

What I do not like is being jammed into seats that are really too small for me, such that I spend most of the ride in pain.

What I like even less is being unable to ride at all. Here’s the list of Canada’s Wonderland adult rides, with the ones I don’t fit on struck through:

  • Back Lot Stunt Coaster
  • Behemoth
  • Dragon Fire
  • Drop Tower
  • Flight Deck
  • Jet Scream
  • Mighty Canadian Minebuster
  • Psyclone
  • Riptide
  • Shockwave
  • Skyrider
  • Sledgehammer
  • The Bat
  • Thunder Run
  • Time Warp
  • Vortex
  • Wyld Beast
  • Skyflyer

Yeah. One. And it’s not even a roller coaster.


Reason #20: Because those commercials are almost tempting…

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

They play a lot of commercials on the radio station I listen to for things like Herbal Magic and other, sketchier, diet pills.

On the whole, I can listen to those commercials and not think much of them beyond ‘yeah, right, if weightloss came in pill form, those pills wouldn’t be advertised in cheap-ass radio commercials with bad acting’.

But some days, I tell you, when you’ve heard that commercial for the 92nd time that week, it starts to sound really good. And I start to think things like, ‘Well, obviously it’s not a panacea, but maybe it would help?’ and ‘I wonder what it costs? If it’s not too expensive…’


Reason #19: Because three of these girls look casually elegant…

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

…and one looks kinda prudish and dorky.

I would love to be able to cross my long legs and look all cool and sophisticated like the women in that pic, but at this point, I would settle for being able to cross my legs at all.

When I first started the diet and exercise plan a couple of years ago, that was my initial goal — to be able to cross my legs. And I actually managed to get to the point where I could cross them, though keeping them crossed was a chore, and it wasn’t actually comfortable.

It’s not an initial goal this time, because I’m a lot further away from it than I was before, but it’s still a long term thing I’d love to reach.


Reason #18: Because the only thing worse than a stretch mark…

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

…is an infected stretch mark.

Normally I go on about these reasons at some length. But really, what else is there to say?


Reason #17: Because one also shouldn’t wish one had an eating disorder…

Filed under: diet, reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

This is a genuine IM conversation log. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. And the not so innocent.
[15:55] theinnocent: how hard is it to be bulimic?  from the outside, it seems like it’d be easy.
[15:56] easy: Heheh.
[15:57] easy: God knows, I have had those thoughts.
[15:57] theinnocent: thank you! i thought i was the only one.
[15:57] easy: “It’d just be a little vomiting, I mean, really, why not?”
[15:57] theinnocent: i really hate vomiting, though
[15:57] easy: But then I remember that a) I hate vomiting and b) bulimia is an actual, like, disease thingy
[15:57] theinnocent: yes, it’s a very serious disease.
[15:57] easy: and also that its anorexics that are skinny
[15:58] theinnocent: oh, right.  damn.
[15:58] easy: Bulimics don’t lose that much weight, I don’t think
[15:58] theinnocent: cartoon bulimics do.

I’m in no serious danger of developing any kind of eating disorder, but you have to admit that it’s a little bit sick that I think about it ever. It’s one of the reasons I’m aiming for slow, longer term lifestyle changes. I just don’t think another ‘diet’ is going to work for me. At least not until I can mentally redefine diet back to what it’s supposed to mean, instead of what it’s come to mean.


Reason #16: Because one really shouldn’t hope one has a tumour

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

I harbor a secret (well, not so secret anymore) hope that one day my doctor will discover that I’m not actually astoundingly fat, I just have one of those giant, benign tumours in my abdominal cavity. They will take out the 25-plus pound monstrosity and I will instantly be thinner.

Sadly, I had an ultrasound to screen for potential gall bladder issues just a few months ago, and I have a feeling that if there was a giant tumour, it would have shown up.


Reason #15: Because that seat doesn’t come in my size

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

I’ve spent a lot of time in theaters lately — seing Dirty Dancing, Cirque du Soleil, Kris Kristofferson and Jersey Boys.

None of those seats really fit me. The Toronto Center for the Arts certainly came closest, but it wasn’t great. Cirque du Soleil was downright painful — there was a crosspiece in the folddown seats that was digging into my back. Kris Kristofferson was mainly a pain for my mother, who was stuck between me and a guy who made me look thin and who also hasn’t learned to sit like a polite fat person — dude, if you’re already taking up half someone’s else’s seat, you don’t get to sit with your legs splayed wide, and your arms planted on both arm rests.

I’d like to not be the person that makes people look angry/annoyed/scared/uncomfortable when they see her coming to sit next to them.


Reason #6.1: Because CuteOverload maks my brain asplud

Filed under: ear swabbing, health, reason — Easy @ 12:51 pm

Apparently Q-tip fluff comes from this: http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2008/09/veera-j.html

And this: http://www.konalaejapanesespitz.com/8W-9.JPG

And it would be wrong to steal fluffy from puppies.


Reason #14: Because that stairway doesn’t lead to heaven

Filed under: curves, health, reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

I frigging hate stairs.

I get out of breath so very, very quickly on them. Just a few is enough to have me huffing and puffing away. It’s embarrassing when I’m with other people and exhausting even when I’m not.

The thermostat that theoretically controls the air conditioning is up 3 floors from me, which is a lot of stairs. But it doesn’t turn the AC on and off the way it’s supposed to, which means every time I want to turn it on, I trudge up the stairs (by which point, boy howdy do I need some air conditioning!) and when it gets cold (or loud) in here, and I need to turn it off again, back up the stairs I go.

If I were in better shape, those stairs wouldn’t be so exhausting, and I wouldn’t spend so much time adding and removing layers to try and maintain my body temperature without having to climb them.


Reason #13: Because dessert should be a pleasure but not a guilty pleasure

Filed under: diet, reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

I like cake. I prefer my cakes moist and rich and covered in ooey-gooey icing, and caramel sauce and whipcream and whatever else seems like a good idea at the time.

When you’re on a diet, or fat enough that you’re supposed to be on a diet, that’s not the kind of cake you’re supposed to want. You’re supposed to content yourself with little sticks of dried out, pre-packaged cake-like substance topped with not-even-icing-like substance. Since it’s dessert (really, it says so on the box!), you’re supposed to enjoy it and view it as wicked and decadent. X-like-substance ain’t decadent.

On the other hand, if you do actually eat some of that moist, delicious, decadent cake, no matter how small a slice, you’re supposed to feel guilty about that. You can sneak it into some diets only by shedding high volumes of actual food, which is not exactly a healthy trade off.

I’d like to find a mental place where I can eat the occasional piece of good cake and not feel guilty about it, and never feel obligated nor interested in eating one of those faux-cake sticks ever again.


Reason #12: Because pretty bras rarely come in 42G

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

And if you’re a 42G, you really, really need a bra.

I can make my own bras, and I’ve found a few places where I can find reasonably nice ones — though they run in the $150 range — but I can’t just walk into any random Victoria’s Secret and buy a pretty bra.

I’d like to be able to buy pretty bras in any store, not just a few fantastically expensive specialty stores or over the internet. While I’m not exactly excited by the thought of my boobs getting smaller (people do pay quite a lot of money to have them go the other way, after all), as long as they remain proportional, it would be nice for them to come down a cup size or two.


Reason #11: Because I’m much cuter in my fantasies…

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

I have a strong tendancy to daydream. If I’m driving or taking a bus or standing in line or whatever, I tell myself little stories in my head. Mostly, it’s Mary Sue-ism — I mentally write myself into my favorite movies, books and TV shows.

Or, more accurately, I write a more kick-ass, proactive, exciting, beautiful, super-power endowed me into my favorite movies, books and TV shows.

I hope that through the things I’m working on, I can become more like the kick-ass, proactive, exciting beautiful me that inhabits my fantasy world.

The super-powers will probably have to remain a fantasy.


Reason #10: Because this scares the shit out of me…

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

I hate weight loss surgery. This is why I’m having it.


Reason #9: Because flight attendents are easily embarrassed…

Filed under: reason — Easy @ 9:00 am

The slightly embarrassed look in the eye of flight attendents as they hand over my seat belt extension is alternately embarrassing for me or annoying to me. I’ve managed to get over my shame about asking for them, and I just do it, but when they bring them back, it’s a rare attendent who can just hand it over in a straight forward manner without trying to hide it in their palm or otherwise behaving like I must be embarrassed by it. I appreciate the attempt at discretion, but it kind of backfires — it’s like in the movies when the amateur spy tries to act nonchalent and ends up looking ridiculous.


Reason #8: Because clutter creates anxiety…

Filed under: cleaning, housekeeping, progress, reason — Easy @ 12:03 pm

I might have that backwards. It might be that a lack of clutter creates calm, but I’m definitely less stressed out when my house is clean than when it’s messy.

With my 15 minutes a day, I’ve been gradually increasing the state of cleanliness of my house, starting in the kitchen and working this way. I’ve decluttered most things at this point. Just my desk is left. Which is kinda dumb, really, because I look at my desk all day, and not my kitchen, but when I turn around now, and see the non-clutter behind me, I breathe an audible sigh of relief.

All that said, I’m going away for the weekend, so no 15 minuteses for a few days.

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