If This Were Easy…


Wanting Things

Filed under: metapost — Easy @ 6:43 pm

{Imagine a pro forma apology for failure to update my blog here. Did you know there’s an entire blog out there that does nothing but link to other blog posts about the owners of those other blogs failing to update on a timely basis? There totally is. Only I can’t find it right now, because my google-fu is week.}

Since the last update, not much has happened. I’ve pretty much failed to do any of the things I was supposed to be doing and along with my blog, I abandoned my ticky boxes, my food tracker and having a waistline. And that’s not so good.

So I was whining about that on LSG the other day, and one of the other members suggested I make a list of all the things I want to do. And I thought, hey, well, that’s something I can do. I like lists. It’s low commitment.

Except here’s the the thing I’m having trouble with. When I think about things I want to do, what I actually get are:

  1. things I want to do, but don’t do
  2. things I feel like I should do
  3. things I should want to do, but don’t, really
  4. things I want to have done, but don’t particularly want to actually do
  5. things I want to do in theory, but not in practice
  6. things I don’t really want to do, but tend to do anyway
  7. things I do actually want to do, but don’t really know how
  8. things I want to want to do

Some things don’t fall neatly into those categories, either.

Take, for example, editing the first draft of my novel. It falls into category 3 — I feel like I should want to do it. But I don’t want to do it. Which makes me feel like I’m a bad writer (which I might well be) which makes me feel like a bad person (which I try not to think I am). So maybe it’s more in category 4 — I want my novel to be edited. I even want to have been the one who edited it. What I do not want is to actually sit down and edit it. Which is partly related to category 7, in that I don’t feel confident of my abilities to edit.

Going to the gym is pretty much all of those things, depending on how I’m approaching it at any given moment. Mostly, it is 8.

So how do I decide what I want, when I don’t know what I want?


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